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God's Madman's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, June 26th, 2007 | | 2:14 am |
Proper Kindling
"Are we out of wood? The fire's almost out..." "Damn it, it's only midnight. We need more fire...hey! Anyone want to play foosball?" [no reply] "Right then." It took almost twenty minutes to burn the entire foosball table. | | Saturday, June 2nd, 2007 | | 2:51 am |
Strange Days
I am too excited to sleep and started reading this accursed thing once more. People on my "friends" list are all crazy people (which is, of course, both good and expected). It is good to hear of their antics (ant-ticks?). What a difference a day makes, eh? I will repost on Monday, perhaps, with words of wisdom and a new wife. At least a new wife. I set this challenge before me: I will have a wife within forty hours. Clock me. | | Sunday, September 17th, 2006 | | 5:22 pm |
(1) The Pope mentions the spread of Islam through violence. (2) Good idea? No. (3) Muslims firebomb churches in the West Bank. (4) Good idea? No. See point (1). Rule of thumb: "don't make Emperor Palpatine [Benedict] look like he's ever in ANY way onto "something"] | | Tuesday, September 12th, 2006 | | 10:38 pm |
Matsui breaks his wrist. What does he do? Apologizes. To his teammates. Ortiz is asked whether or not Jeter deserves the MVP. What does he do? Complains that his teammates suck. Solidarity. | | Sunday, August 27th, 2006 | | 5:54 pm |
There is a hall in a courtyard where statues loom like giants. Holding bats aloft like swords stand the likes of Don Mattingly, Paul O'Neil and Wade Boggs (and, crouched in a corner of the yard, Daryl Strawberry is portrayed trying to shove crack into his eye). These were the giants of the 1994 New York Yankees Starting Lineup. There is a fouth statue there (we don't include Strawberry's in this count for various reasons, both personal and aesthetic), standing in quiet dignity behind Mattingly and between Boggs and O'Neil. A slight smile on his face as he gazes up at the heavens. This man is Bernie Williams. The reason I mention this fourth statue, less ominous than the other three, more subdued and humble, is that, though the other legends of old have moved on from the field of play, Williams has not. He's still playing. Every evening, the demonic forces lead by Joe Torre read an incantation. When the moon is high and the words are spoken, from a shadowy corner of the Yankee locker room strides forth Bernie Williams, bat in hand, prepared for the most ominous kind of battle. In his prime he was a part of that team of legend, more than a decade past. And tonight, this very night, the incantation was spoken and he strode forth, with four hits on four at-bats, hitting not one, but two home-runs, a double, and driving in six runs. Single-handedly. While the new generation of gigantors stumbled on their fat heads (A-RODDDD!!!!!!!!!!!), this legend of the ancient world won the game, undoubtedly, by himself, for the great, albeit slightly demonic, New York Yankees. | | Friday, August 25th, 2006 | | 5:54 pm |
El Diablo Robotico
The air was rank with brimstone and rotting muskrat. Lesser demons hurried about, carrying various metallic tools and godless impliments. There on the surgical slab was what was once a man. Jarrod was his name. Jarrod Washburn, in full. He came from a good family but somewhere down the line something just went a little wrong. He developed some ways about him that just...weren't right. And there he lay, on the devil's operating table. Here he was given demonically enhanced circuitry to allow him to better pitch a baseball. This circuitry, or "Hellfire-wire," ran from his brain into his arm and into the big toe on his left foot. He became El Diablo Robotico; the Devil's Robot. What foul, treachous game the King of Lies was playing on the Yankees from New York, no man can say. The Yankees allegiance to the dark powers has been well known and documented for some time. Perhaps a test? Perhaps a joke? Perhaps a shift in alliances was in the air? Nevertheless, El Diablo Robotico struck true, defeating nine Yankee hitters and holding them to but two runs. It was not until Johnny Damon, who had luckily dipped his bat in the blessed blood of the hamster that had previously eaten one of Jesus' fingers, strode to the plate and hit a home run that El Diablo was finally removed from the game. Twelve virgins vanished from the Seattle area that night. Coincidence? So, children, beware this cautionary tale. Be careful who you deal with and always keep a spare ritualistic blunt instrument around...just in case the Devil's Robot comes looking...for YOU! | | 3:28 pm |
What rhymes with "Dead Land?"
"Four grand." My graduate stipend. Honey, we're eatin' STEAK TONIGHT!!!! ... 'cept she's Vegan. So...like...fuck it. | | Thursday, August 24th, 2006 | | 8:57 am |
Who IS Nick Green?
Legend tells of a man who would play the game of bases. And the game of balls. This man would simultaneously hit three hits in five at-bats, find himself scoring critical runs at critical times, and yet remain batting under .200. Who is this man, that can walk in both worlds of both the talented and talentless? Some manner of hybrid being? A mutation? An abomination under god? Or...something more? In the Ancient Kingdom of Pensa-Cola in the realm of Florida, on the 10th day of the ninth month in the year of our Lord 1978, a star shot madly from its sphere and heralded the birth of, what science has later determined to be, "an Unnatural." He grew up a normal child, his only mutant ability that manifested was what appeared to be simultaneously a gift for achieving great wonders that would bring praise and adoration from all his teachers and then receive a failing grade. The teachers, when asked, replied "I don't know what came over me. It was some mutant power. The work was great but I just had to give him an F." After high school he took to riding the rails, leaving behind his family and friends to seek understanding in the back of a boxcar. There he came across a weathered old codger who went by the name "Steven Sax." Long ago, this "Sax" played professional baseball for the New York Yankees. But then, on one dark, moonlit evening, Sax engaged in hand-to-hand combat with his teammate Don Mattingly. Across the rooftops this battle raged, lightning hurled from ancient medallions, grenades chucked from behind bushes, minor demons summoned to gnaw on knees and ankles. In the end, Mattingly triumphed, and Sax was banished from the kingdom. It was here, in this place, in this way, that Nick Green was trained in the arts of baseball. Sax taught him how to move, how to think, how to take his revenge! And so Nick Green returned to civilization with his hobo bride Myrtle the Tongueless and was drafted by the Atlanta Braves in 2004. But try as he might, he learned the hard way, you cannot run from who you are. Even today, if you dare to look at SI.com and inquire as to the statistics of Mr. Nicholas Green, you'll find a most confusing conundrum. At once he is batting both .198 AND .303 for New York in the 2006 season. At once he is playing for both New York AND Tampa Bay in the 2006 season. It appears he's been playing the 2006 season since at least 2004...his mutant ability of achieving both success and failure has mutated further into a type of temporal loop. God himself was recently quoted as saying: "yea, I dunno, fuck this, I'm out." But when the moon is full and high, and Yankees play under the starlight sky, you will still see Nick Green subbing in for A-Rod or Jeter. And there, high on the rooftops, Steven Sax...howling at the moon. | | Monday, August 21st, 2006 | | 1:30 am |
4 out of 5...so far
In every situation in tonight's game, the Yankees were capable of coming through in exactly the way they needed it at exactly the right time. I wish to thank Mithras, or whatever deity is listening, for allowing Melky Cabrera to exist for as long as he has...for if he had died in a car accident at the tender age of nine, or been trampled to death by a herd of escaped elk from a local zoo, he would never have had the phenomenal clutch double or the great catches out in left. I would also like to send a shout out to the Devil for letting Giambi slip by all this pesky "steroid" hubbub to hit a double and not one, but TWO home-runs including the go ahead run in the tenth. Now, Jorge Posada is not the most attractive man in the world. He appears more like a bird, gawkish and doe-eyed, with an abnormal size and shape to his throat. But aside from his awkward visage, his mutant ability to hit line-drive home-runs to put the game out of reach is second only to Wolverine's mutant ability to regenerate burned flesh. Derek Jeter is quite simply the best all around player in the major leagues. It was absolutely necessary for him to single in order to tie the game in the top of the ninth inning. Sure, had he failed, I would have gotten a decent night's sleep, but whatever. When I was watching his calm, knowing grin, shades of Jet Li prior to the whooping of yakuza ass, I knew without hesitation that he would find some way to defeat Senior Papelbon and triumph in the end. Okay, so it's theoretically possible that Alex Rodriguez is the best player currently alive on this planet, on track, as they say, to beat Hank Aaron's home-run record and remove Mr. "Hi, I'm a grotesque!" Bonds from the lime-light. That isn't happening any time soon. He needs to get his head out of his ass...but, still, I support him. As he is, at least, not a grotesque. | | Monday, April 10th, 2006 | | 10:09 pm |
Can anyone give me some suggestions or perhaps a sample form letter for rejecting a college that accepted you? The idea being that if things dont work out at Kent State I dont want to burn my bridges from the other colleges that accepted me by saying 'fuck you, fuckballs!' and the like. | | Wednesday, April 5th, 2006 | | 3:30 am |
Dumbest thing I have heard in a long time...
http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/04/04/jesus.science.reut/index.html"I am a man of science, by god, and Jesus couldn't have walked on water. Why? Because that's not what we call scientifically...'poss-i-ble.'" That's right. I tried it myself and I fell right in. No, I think instead Jesus walked on ice. Ice, you know, is more solid than water. That's science. That's fact. I'm a scientist so I know this. Basically, I'm here to disprove the miracles in the Bible because that's what science is supposed to do. 'cause the Bible is full of all sorts of crazy things like...parables. Yea, fuck those things, I'm a scientist. I'll disprove it all, watch me!" Why...WHY? He either never walked on water at all...or he did...'cause he's fucking JESUS, the son and anthropomorphic embodiment of God Almighty creator of the known cosmos who, if He so chooses, can DAMN WELL WALK ON WATER FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES! I can just imagine Jesus up there in Heaven right now looking down and Professor Nof Cockmonkey or whatever the hell his name was and thinking "damn it! I walked on water! You wanna SEE me walk on water, bitch?! I'll fucking turn your kidneys into wine! How'd that be?!" Oh, and, while cnn.com is feeding me fun articles, why I continue to loathe my government: http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/04/04/delay.election/index.htmlhttp://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/04/04/homeland.arrest/index.html...and that's just today's top stories. | | Wednesday, March 29th, 2006 | | 1:09 am |
Cleveland State University has ALSO accepted me into their graduate program I have just learned. I am pleased I now have two choices out of...well...two. Life is awesome. How, precisely, am I going to GET to Ohio with apartment full of stuff, car, four dogs and fiancee? No problem! I have necromantic powers. Further, "ghouligan." As in: "What the fuck is that outside?" "The noise? I dunno...zombies?" "Hell no, just some fucking punks out on a pisser." "Drunk zombies?" "Hooligan zombies?" "Ghouligans!" Progression is important. | | Sunday, March 26th, 2006 | | 1:06 am |
Kent State University has accepted me into their master's program. 1/1 so far. The size of this particular load off my mind and soul is immeasurable...like any good philosopher I must celebrate with heavy substance abuse. Thank fucking GOD. | | Saturday, March 11th, 2006 | | 7:04 pm |
All three professors are on the ball, at last, at last! My chances of getting into grad school have increased from "fuck you, fuckball!" to "you ain't shit, but here's a danish." | | Friday, March 10th, 2006 | | 6:04 pm |
Why Professor Daniel Berthold-Bond is AWESOME
I wrote to Professor Bond and asked him if he'd be so kind as to knock on the doors of my other two professors and let them know that my time-table for recommendation forms was coming to a close. This is the response I received: Hi Clancy, I'll corral Bill and Garry and extract the letters out of them by whatever means necessary. Good luck! Best, Daniel ...now you TELL me that that isn't the absolute coolest thing ever! | | Wednesday, March 8th, 2006 | | 4:28 pm |
F.U.B.A.R.
1. 1 of 3. 1 of 3 advisors have sent in my letters of recommendation. And the decision making process is only about a week and change away. I call my Bard professors...but they do not answer. It's not that they don't want to write me a letter of recommendation...I highly doubt I won the philosophy award because they HATE me...they appear to be too busy and/or shiftless. Any advice to avert disaster you grad school honkies?! Also...heh...would any of you that hold some kind of teaching credential be willing to PRETEND to know me from an purely academic arena and write me a letter of recommendation instead? | | Wednesday, March 1st, 2006 | | 7:08 pm |
1. Choose a band/artist: Tom Waits 2. Are you male or female: who are you? 3. Describe yourself: sins of my father 4. How do some people feel about you: dirt in the ground 5. How do you feel about yourself: trampled rose 6. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: dead and lovely 7. Describe current boyfriend/girlfriend: the heart of saturday night 8. Describe where you want to be: top of the hill 9. Describe how you live: just the right bullets 10. Describe how you love: all stripped down 11. What would you ask for if you had just one wish: diamonds on my windshield 12. Share a few words of wisdom: it ain't no sin to take off your skin and dance around in your bones 13. Where do you live: singapore 14. Now say goodbye: please call me, baby | | Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 | | 3:37 pm |
Bigfoot vs. Crazy Fucks
An interesting article: "Local authorities in China have closed the Shennongjia Nature Reserve to the public because of immense pedestrian traffic during what's known as the 'Bigfoot Hunting Season.' In response to a question from a local news reporter, Chin Qui-Wei, the park's administrator, made clear his feelings as to the nature of these so called 'hunters.' 'Closing the park is not an admission as to the existence of such a creature. Crazy people, however, I admit, yes, do exist, and in hordes. When they come to my place of passion and work armed with high-powered rifles as well as a healthy dose of madness, I close the gates.'" | | Wednesday, February 15th, 2006 | | 12:48 pm |
Definitely.
You scored 90% Cold and 61% Level-Headed! | You can kill. You were born to fight. But you'd only kill the "bad guys." You are a vigilante extraordinaire.
But how long before you snap? |  | My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 90% on Cold | | You scored higher than 61% on Level-Headed |
| | | Monday, February 13th, 2006 | | 9:49 pm |
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